This weekend, I had the honour of witnessing two of my best friends getting married. It was the most beautiful wedding I have ever been to both because of the setting in a vineyard, the beautifully decorated venue, the awesome sparkly dress I got to wear as a bridesmaid, and the beauty of the bride, but also because of what the entire wedding did inside of me.
I have previously written about knowing what you want in life and how your core values help you find your way. Being at this wedding I was reminded of the importance of having goals and knowing where you’re going.
While bouncing off not-so-descrete flirty text messages (literaly on that same day) I witnessed a love, that went beyond physical attraction and lust. It was, and is, a love that sees into the depths of the hearts, and loves every part of the other person – both the good and the bad. It’s a love that says “I choose you” not “I want you”. Those two things are very different. Let me explain:
I want you
To be completely honest, I am easily fascinated by guys. It’s not hard for me to get a guy stuck in my head and wonder if he likes me or not. It’s easy for me to be fascinated by a guy because he makes me laugh, makes me comfortable, or inspires me in some way – or just because he’s cute. It’s easy to form relationships with people that work when you stay on the surface level in intimacy and connection (I’m not talking about the physical intimacy, but that of the heart). You can feel a strong attraction, and maybe even love for someone without really knowing them. You can want them; want to hang out with them; want to be in a relationship with them; even want to spend the rest of your life with them.
But want is not enough. Because what happens when what you wanted isn’t there anymore? What happens when your partner falls into depression and isn’t the person you fell in love with? What happens when you’re at the edge of your finances, and you struggle with paying your bills? What happens when you experience deep crisis? What happens when you get bored?
If want is the foundation of your relationship, there won’t be a lot to hang on to, when the object of your wanting or lust slips away or changes.
I choose you
Choosing someone is far more valuable than wanting someone. When you know the depths of a person, and both in spite of and because of that choose someone. That’s when you know there is something strong in the making. When the relationship is built on a foundation that says: “I choose you no matter what happens and even if my wanting lessens for a time” you don’t depend on fleeting feelings and emotions that come and go.
Watching my two friends getting married stirred in my heart what I already knew – that that is what I want. The contrast of the looks in their eyes and the blue light from the screen on my phone made it all too clear what holds true value.